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Bahorik in Bm

by Crynyd

/
1.
Adaptability 05:03
You get used, used and used to whatever mine you're sentenced to. Whatever mine they've got will do. You get used, used and moved to whatever mine they say, "Here. Dig." and grows so big the brute within, all he knows is dig. A Zygerrian Kenobi, I sprung the trap. And, though I'm strong enough, I wasn't built for that and got burned, netted, and turned. They say that it gets better some later day. I find it gets bleaker. It gets bleaker and you grow ever more used to it. You get used to it, Grow immune to it as you grow gray and forget if you ever had those dreams spent and used, used in misabuse. You can numb but not quite soothe the latest razor you've got left to chew. You get used, used and used to whatever mine they stick you in. No matter how you say, "That's it." All you've got's the pit. All you've got's the bit. All you've got's the pit.
2.
You held me under the uselessness that you had for the office I held. Growling at me within silences you divert, then invite me to bed. You put my hands on aging skin, these ancient arms holding a hope. Showering me with indifference while you beg, "Let us each other know." But I don't know. Though I've heard of the pains you have seen and from whence they have come I have been. Still, I don't know how you stay and yet go. You loved me for my incompetence and spurned me for holding your hand. Growing in me brand new grievances I endure with the hope you have rent and the patience I've won from an absence as affections that you've never had claw after me through resistance that you seed to rebel - although slow. The strain on your conscience is cracking for your beautiful sight of the dead. Howling at me my own violence you lament, then invite me to bed. And I don't know, though I've taken the brunt of your dreams and the toxins that push you to leave, why I still hold though I believe you will go.
3.
I saw you dancing in shadows, in the light that spilled out to the brick from your large and tightly kept window. I admit, I was taken by it. For you'd come to me smiling your soft little cheeks and your bashful, impregnable eyes, and we'd shuffle our feet and deny that we meet with attraction we cannot survive. I could hear your dance by your footsteps as the light flickered, stuttered, and quit. I could sense you draw near by the perfume on your breeze as you'd spin, lift, and twist - as you'd come to me waving your lost handkerchief that you found to help cover your lies. From your light little feet watch me kneel down and weep as you'd dance off into the sunrise. In the night now I find you in shadows, in the light that spills out to the brick in this darkened old alley so narrow, where the tragedy forced me to sit. For you had me all day in our meek little play that you dressed up in white for my sighs. Then you handed me in with a blessing and wish that I write, but now, only goodbyes. In the night now surrounded by shadows; no more does light spill to the brick. But I rub the dark in like aloe and recall your impassionate kiss.
4.
I should have been more patient. Perhaps I lacked love for your name. I should have kept on waiting; remaining in your sight a stain deprived of all comfort and shamed. Oh try me, despise me for making you quit; for cursing you quickly and forcing your way, and hurting you using the hurt sent my way. Inexperienced and impatient, you had no use for my name. I held your side all the same, ignoring the quick growing pain. The warning you gave still remains. I'm bracing myself not to leave, imbibing your worry and fear. You stayed, because I remained, while plotting escape with the rain. Oh buy me, incline me, and alter my brain to look for you quickly and call on your name while ever becoming my comfort, my pain. I was not able to take it. I thought I could shoulder the strain. I held on beyond shaking, but slipped when my hands held no claim. Oh try me, despise me, but keep me in chains. You hurt me more quickly with shards of hard clay. You're killing me using my gift if your way.
5.
Magnechism 05:58
You let me run into your presence. But you did not draw me close, nor let me in. I fear to speak. Have I the privilege? Is your mind burstin' in, or have I sinned? Please lift your eyes. Please don't be silent. Do not turn me to a ghost here at your side. For I am drawn to you. Despite all you put me through and all the ways I find I'm wasting time, I am drawn to you. And that's why you run me through every time you exercise your mind for flight. She lifts her eyes and aims toward leaving. I wonder, does she see she's leaving me? Oh I know she does. More, I'm one reason. And yet, she decrees me to her side where I am drawn to despite all her bitter moods that mirror me, a sigh in my own eye. Dear, I am wantin' you. Don't know why I run to you. What a fruitless exercise in sharing time. I know you'll run in some direction, but it will not be my side by which you stand. But let me run into your presence. And if against you I have sinned, please me forgive And let me be drawn to you for emotional abuse, for the knives that I will bite, for glass in my eye. Still I am drawn to you despite all you put me through when you threaten and despise me with goodbye.
6.
She said, "Always remember that I care about you. You're special to me and valuable. I appreciate you and am glad you are in my life." Signed with a heart. And I thought, just not enough. Just not enough to stay with me or promise me anything.
7.
Thieves play for keeps and trade against trouble. At least the good ones do. But I could never reach such lofty levels. For I've had eyes, and a grand design to be a noble thief with lessons in morality to teach. A kind of traveling exhibition of diamonds, and bones, and inhibitions. Singin', "I'm gonna move to Portland for to steal your girlfriend and be bitter toward what I've found." For I remember her endowed with a phosphorescent crown desired in ways less than right. Wishin' I could be surprised to find myself near and dear to another not-right. My job's to sweep And sort through the rubble, to re-liquefy glue. Concocting a drink of trod upon gravel. A delicious brine with a thirst to die of a broke relief. A regret I will cherish and keep. A coin flip ‘twixt desire and restriction. No diamonds, but bones and incisions. Singin," I'm gonna move to Richmond for to steal some girlfriend and be better toward what I've found.” For I remember her once desired crown of beauty, and ballast, and blight desired in ways less than right. Wishin' I could be surprised. Dubbin me the self-despised to find myself here cleaved tight to another man's wife.
8.
Oh, how great is Your compassion, Faithful Father, God of grace, That with all our fallen race In our depth of degradation You had mercy so that we Might be saved eternally! Your great love for this hath striven That we may, from sin made free. Live with You eternally. Your dear Son Himself has given And extends His gracious call, To His Supper leads us all. Firmly to our souls' salvation Witnesses Your Spirit, Lord, In Your Sacraments and Word. There He sends true consolation, Giving us the gift of faith That we fear nor hell nor death. Lord, Your mercy will not leave me; Ever will Your truth abide. Then in You I will confide. Since Your Word cannot deceive me, My salvation is to me Safe and sure eternally. I will praise Your great compassion, Faithful Father, God of grace, That with all our fallen race In our depth of degradation You had mercy so that we Might be saved eternally!

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Recorded at Far Horizons - Black Mountain, NC during 2017 and 2018.

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released September 16, 2018

Adam Nieting

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Adam Nieting Black Mountain, North Carolina

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